Today I reviewed the map of obstacles for the June 23rd “Tough Mudder Whistler” race that I’m doing with Team Warrior Mentality!!
OMG. I am freaking out right now.
Why am I freaking out?
Check out this map…
I don’t mind mud, I don’t mind running long distances. I don’t mind trails. I don’t mind climbing
hills mountains. I don’t even mind getting wet during this insanity.
So, what’s the problem??
Well for starters, not knowing if it’s 10 or 12 miles. In Canadian that’s a different of over 3 kms. Not a big deal on a regular training run, but a run through mud with 24 different obstacles, and climbing some
hills mountains thrown in? BIG DEAL.
And….you know, the 12 ft “Berlin Walls” that we have to climb. There is no way I can climb these without help, so tough studs on our team, you will be needed! And 3 in a row?! Oh you better hope that we’ve got our technique down by the 3rd. This is going to be a killer.
And after the walls, is the “Eat Dirt” obstacle, a lovely name for crawling through mud under 8 in strung barbed wire. This obstacle doesn’t scare me, but I know it won’t be easy!
Next up, a mystery obstacle….this terrifies me! I like to prepare myself for the terrible things we have to do, not have them jump outta nowhere! I *hope* it’s not the “Electric Eel” which involves sliding along your belly, and avoiding live wires dangling above your head! Eeeeeeek.
After the mystery, comes the “Boa Constrictor” which is crawling through a tight tunnel of mud/water. I’m OK with this. I can do this.
Next up, the “Death Grind” which appears to just be a long uphill climb. Again, not afraid, I can do this.
“Ball Shrinker” using 2 ropes to balance your way across a pit of mud & water. Another OK obstacle. I can do it, and if I fall, I’m not afraid of the cold water/mud. I don’t have any balls to shrink!
“Walk the Plank” 15 ft jump into a pond below and then swim. Not terrible, more afraid of people jumping on my head than anything else!
Next comes the “Log Bog Jog” which has an insanely fun name for going over and under a bunch of logs. No problem here!
“Log Jammin’” seems to be a more uniform version of the last obstacle, and again, I have no problems with this obstacle.
“Devil’s Beard” looks so simple. You just walk under a low slung cargo net, and try not to get caught. I have a feeling that this will be anything but simple at this point in the race.
Here’s where we get tricky – “Everest” a giant quarter pipe that is covered in mud and grease, and you have to try to get over it. This looks insanely hard, and I know will be one of my nemesis’. Ugh.
And then “Hold your Wood” – we have to hike up another
hill mountain, but this time we get to carry a log as a team. I’m hoping this is a take pity on the girls obstacle, and the guys take over
“Turd’s Nest” another fantastic name, is a giant cargo net that you have to crawl across. Having done a bit of cargo line crossing in the Warrior Dash last summer I know how easy this LOOKS, and how hard it actually is. At this point, our bodies are going to be dead, and balancing across this will be SO difficult. Not looking forward to this one!
“Berlin Walls #2″ Are you freaking kidding me?! Towards the end of the course, another set of these damn walls?! Again, not my forte, and I am terrified of these walls.
“Stuck in the Woods” apparently we have to navigate our way out of the woods? Well, this will be easy and awesome for me! I have a good sense of direction, and trail running is in my blood! Just don’t let Cathy lead, because she’ll have us going in circles (Sorry Cath)
If we make it out of the woods, next is “Kinky Tunnels” – which I think are blacked out tunnels that twist and curve. Hopefully we won’t have to crawl on our hands and knees through these, as the blackout tunnels last year in the Warrior Dash chewed up our knees big time.
Ahahah the obstacle I’m most looking forward to….NOT! “Funky Monkey” a set of cascading monkey bars that go up on an incline, then on a decline, oh and did I mention that some bars are purposefully greased with butter?? Or that this is above a pit of icy water? Let’s be honest, I’m not even going to attempt these. I’m going to straight up jump in the icy water and swim to the other side, and hopefully nobody falls on my head.
“Hale Bale Pyramid” there’s only one picture, and no real description of this obstacle, but it doesn’t sound fun. I’m going to be soaking wet, and trying to climb over hay bales? Oh joy, that sounds so
fun! like torture.
“Artic Anema” apparently they like seeing people freeze their a$$es off! Another jump into freezing water, go under a few logs, and back to dry land. Maybe I should be wearing a wet suit for all of these water obstacles??
Getting close to the end, but not before we climb another
hill mountain. And just to make sure it’s not boring, we’ll call it the “Cliffhanger” cover it in mud, and make it near impossible to climb up. Awesome! (Is my sarcasm coming through loud and clear?!)
Onto the final obstacles, “Firewalker” and “Electroshock Therapy” – is it too much to hope that jumping
over through the 4 ft tall flames will somehow completely dry me off??
The “Electroshock” was the obstacle that most terrified when I first signed up. You have to run through a bunch of wires, some live, and some may shock you enough to fall to your knees. Oh, and just for run, there’s hay bales that you have to dodge while trying to ‘sprint’ to the finish line. FUN!?!?! Being shocked does not sound like fun to me!!!
Ok, after writing them all out, I actually feel a tiny bit better. I’m most worried about the walls, cargo nets, quarter pike, cliffhanger, and of course the electroshock.
Holy eff this is a lot to go through during one race, let alone in a few hours!
We will be deserving lots and lots of alcoholic beverages at the end of this, after a nap of course!
Got a month to prep, can you say it’s going to be an upper body focused month? Ughhhhhh.